A little love story

My son got married last Saturday. It was equal parts ceremony and celebration as all weddings should be. Members of all four sides of the family got to view this monumental occasion. Four? Grandparents of the bride and groom as well as grandparents of the mothers and fathers. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, the whole magical magilla. Weddings are a celebration of family as well as love and commitment.

A few thoughts on the future:

1) To the Bride and Groom. The order in the previous sentence is that way for a reason. First its easier to say. Second, it is the traditional role of the husband to respect his bride. This should be the husband's first thought every day. As an equal, not a superior to be sure. Anyway, it evens out when people say husband and wife.

2) Your union has all the elements of a Biblical Covenant. Having traded vows at an altar, in the sight of God and all the elements of the family. Also having exchanged gifts (the rings). Also having began the marriage with a public proclamation of the vows. As such, marriage should be treated as sacred. Each day should carry some reaffirmation of that from both husband and wife, to each other.

3) You now have the challenge of not keeping anything from your spouse while communicating it as a conversation. Whats bothering you bothers your spouse more when it comes out too late to help each other.

4) No conversation should be one way. As many times as needed, the phrase "what do you think?" should pop up. Followed immediately by open ears, not mouth. Silence is only appropriate when you're both asleep.

5) Make no decision unilaterally. This probably will not be the case 100% of the time. It isn't always practical. But whenever humanly possible, follow this rule followed by seeing item 4).

6) Always remember your spouse is not perfect, you aren't either, but the two together are infinitely stronger than the two separate. Solve problems together, not alone or individually. Yes those are two separate things.

No marriage is perfect. Its how you handle each imperfection that makes a strong marriage. And each time you successfully handle imperfection you are stronger for it. Each time you don't, you miss the best oppportuinity of your marriage.

A Catch within Health Reform

A debate erupted this morning about adult children out of work living at home with parents. First of all, I am convinced that one of the most important facets of the traditional family is the safety net feature. Not all kids progress in to careers at the same pace. They may need help from the family. That is a rational hope and expectation to the extent the family can provide it.

In the recently passed health care reform, insurance companies must provide coverage for dependent children up to age 26. A rational idea since the economy does not allow as many smooth transitions from education to self sufficiency as it once did. A further benefit for students who deliberately consider and try multiple options before settling on their true commitment.

However, the age 26 option carries with it a built in problem. In the IRS code, families filing a 1040 return get to claim an exemption for dependent children in one part of the tax return and a tax credit for dependent children in another part of the same return. How long before astute politicians seize on this anomaly between health reform and tax returns. Changing the tax regulations so the dependent age agrees with the 26 year old insurance reform age would reduce tax revenues.

So reform giveth and reform taketh away. In a time when burgeoning deficits threaten economic recovery, can we afford agreement between the two portions of federal law mentioned above?